This joke is for, maybe, four people.
I also hope no one finds the original photos, available here!
Here is a Fun Fact about Mitt Romney.
Mitt Romney is good at math. Mitt Romney is so good at math that it’s the angle from which he approaches almost all of his decision making. If it seems like Mitt Romney is saying something that he might not entirely believe in, it is because The Math has told him that this is a good thing to say to the people who are listening at this moment. If every problem is a nail, The Math is Mitt Romney’s hammer and he swings it firmly and decisively. He is, above all, a methodical pragmatist with an almost religious respect for data. He is not delusional, or an idealist, or whatever Sarah Palin was. He is—as he is quick to remind you—a businessman, and a clearly successful one. But these are not the fun facts, this is the fun fact:
It means he knows.
He knows, because The Math has told him, how far behind he is with African-American voters. With the exploding Latino community. With women. With young people. With Medicare recipients. Possibly with you. He lives in a cage of data, and no matter what he says publicly, every second of every day for the next two months he will be painfully—exposed nerve painfully—aware that there may not be enough tweaks, pivots, promises or platitudes to get The Math back on his side. He knows he may very well lose this prize that he’s felt entitled to his entire life, and that he may never get another chance, because he no longer lives in a country where The Math would’ve had to buckle under his transparently obvious inherited importance. Helplessly facing down his encroaching and inevitable irrelevance is his full-time job, every moment he’s awake, until he goes to sleep, if he goes to sleep. Part of him knows that for all he’s been able to do, he can not, will not ever, do this.
And I think that is a very fun fact.
No one has a more pervasive and familiar brand than Garfield—he loves lasagna, hates Monday, and kicks Odie. He has infinite resources at his disposal to push this message and plaster his face onto everything in sight. But—this is part of the problem. The usually-sassy Garfield also pops up in posters and merchandise alongside slogans speaking out against littering and bullying, and in support of causes like studying and being a good friend—hardly in step with the Garfield brand.
When you flip open your daily funny pages tomorrow—which Garfield will you be reading?
I’ve seen this floating around and it infuriates me, but not for the most obvious reason.
From Snopes.com: The quote reproduced above is not something actually uttered by Republican presidential candidate Rick Santorum; it’s an excerpt from a fictitious article published on 15 February 2012 by the satirical web site Free Wood Post, whose slogan is “News That’s Almost Reliable.” The article spoofed some of the former Pennsylvania senator’s recent comments about women serving in the military and in the work force.
5 actual things Rick Santorum has said:
• “That’s not to pick on homosexuality. It’s not, you know, man on child, man on dog, or whatever the case may be.”
• “If you were Satan, who would you attack in this day and age? There is no one else to go after other than the United States.”
• “Many of the Christian faith have said, well, that’s OK; contraception is OK. It’s not OK. It’s a license to do things in a sexual realm that is counter to how things are supposed to be.”
• “I don’t want to make black people’s lives better by giving them somebody else’s money; I want to give them the opportunity to go out and earn the money.”
• “People have referred to me as the Richie Cunningham candidate…But you know what? Contrasting that with what’s going on out there in the popular culture, a little bit of Richie Cunningham wouldn’t be a bad thing for our society right now.”
When you go online to vent about politics, it doesn’t help either side to perpetuate myths. Especially when photographic evidence can be so much more satisfying:
Remember, a vote against Rick Santorum is a vote for a sequel to this photo.
The Romney Family Name Generator is live.
Amazing coincidental Twitter timing captured by @dudeswinburne.